Top 10 Most Disturbing Movie Relationships

 

You know the moment. You’re mindlessly enjoying a romantic moment in a movie when suddenly there’s this buzzing in the back of your head. Something is very wrong here. Why are they kissing? What’s the matter with them? Oh, God… They’re not? They did! I’m going to vomit.
Cinema is filled with odd relationships. Some are grand and romantic, surviving the test of time and giving us all something to dream about. Others, well, they’re just plain wrong. The worst part is that Hollywood doesn’t always seem to notice how disturbing some of the relationships really are. Though to be fair, sometimes they know exactly what they’re doing. But that doesn’t make the scenes any less creepy. So, in honor of the new movie about a girl falling in love with a zombie, we put together a list of some of the creepiest relationships we’ve seen on the silver screen. Take note, people: There is nothing genuinely romantic about any of these, and most of them are abominations unto the Lord – or at least they are very stupid. So, we welcome you to sit back and enjoy, and before you object to any of our picks, take a moment to think about it. We’ll bet you’ll feel pretty awful about watching these films with your mother afterward.
10. Back to the Future: Marty McFly and Lorraine Baines- To be perfectly honest, their relationship is a plot device. Marty McFly returns to the past and gets stranded, when he runs into a younger version of his dear old mother. Well, turns out he’s quite the mama’s boy, as in his mom falls for him almost immediately. Now, Marty doesn’t return her affections and tries his best to avoid her, but that’s not going to stop her from pursuing him. After all, they always say you should never come between a mother and her children. Besides the obvious connotations of such a relationship, there’s the whole “smooching” his way out of existence scene to add an extra element of awkwardness to the film. Luckily, Crispin Glover wins her heart in the end through physical violence… Which is kinda weird, too.
9. Star Wars: Luke and Leia- Oh yeah, spoiler alert. So, from the get-go, it seems like Luke and Leia are the perfect match. They’re young, they’re idealistic and they really hate the Empire. It seems like they could really be something. Unfortunately, that something is brother and sister. That’s right, Luke and Leia share the same mama and papa, which means that the kiss they share is really uncomfortable, to say nothing of their strong feelings for each other. While their relationship never went further than a kiss, there’s something uncomfortable about the first episode-and-a-half (I guess technically the fourth episode and half of the fifth). Luckily for them, Han Solo was there to swoop in and snatch up the princess while she was still emotionally vulnerable.


8. Ghost: Sam and Molly- Sure, the pottery scene is one of the most iconic moments in all of film. It’s very sweet, very romantic, and so on and so on. My only real problem is that the guy in it is dead! That’s right, Demi Moore has a dead Patrick Swayze after her (wow, writing that just made me sad). While the whole idea of lingering love sounds romantic, remember that she can’t see or hear him, which means that there’s just this force touching her, watching her, all the time. Ladies, if that doesn’t creep you out a little, you might want to consider checking out some of the most haunted places in America. I’m sure there are plenty of single guys who would love to meetyou. To make matters worse, Swayze possesses Whoopi Goldberg to share a romantic moment with Moore. Now, I’m not being closed-minded, but I don’t like the idea of Whoopi Goldberg sharing a romantic moment with anyone after Theodore Rex.
7. Meet Joe Black: Joe Black and Sarah- We all know that Brad Pitt is dreamy. No one is arguing that. The problem with Meet Joe Black is that he’s Death, and I don’t mean that figuratively. He literally comes to shuffle Anthony Hopkins loose off his mortal coil and decides that he’s got a thing for the guy’s daughter. First of all, I consider that really unprofessional for a deity. Second, Hopkins says, “Yeah, sure. You can totally date my daughter if you don’t kill me.” Well, not in those exact words, but close enough. So, Death decides to start courting this young woman (again, not a metaphor) and the two develop feelings for each other. Death decides to take her away with him (a.k.a., kill her). So, this is all considered romantic. Sounds to me like something an emo kid would write about in his diary.

OH NO, YOU’VE KILLED HER!

6. Harold and Maude: Harold and, well, Maude- Look, love can find you anywhere, and I respect that, but there are some things you never forget. For me, it’s the scene when 79-year-old Maude is nude in bed with 20-year-old Harold. I’m not arguing that Harold and Maude isn’t a great, classic film, but oh my God my eyes! Glad I got that off my chest. Now, I’ve heard of guys dating older women, but Maude could easily be Harold’s grandmother, and that’s just not cool. I don’t care if their relationship is supposed to represent the intricacies of life and death; it’s creepy. I’m not commenting on the film itself, just the bizarre relationship these two shared and how incredibly uncomfortable it is. Besides, can you imagine how screwed up Harold must be later in life? Not that he was that well-adjusted in the first place.


5. Avatar: Jake Sully and Neytiri- James Cameron made himself an awful pretty film a few years ago, and people went complete apeshit over it. It’s the story of a paralyzed man falling in love with a giant cat lady, which is really weird. Sure, he himself goes inside the body of a cat man, but he’s still a human at heart (spoiler alert – oh, it’s not worth it, never mind). What makes it more awkward is that the cat people have got these ponytails that serve as their reproductive organs, and they essentially sexually assault other animals to take control of them and ride them around. Is anyone else concerned about this at all? Man in love with cat lady who comes from a culture that seems to be centered around “getting in touch” with nature by having sex with it? This is not going to end well. I mean, these cat people are a windowless van away from being the creepiest creatures in the galaxy.

He likes to put on his cat suit and go cruising for chicks.

4. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Benjamin and Daisy- Good old Benjamin Button. This is a really weird story about a man who ages backward as he gets older. So, young Ben was in a wheelchair with cataracts yelling at kids to get off his lawn, and old Ben was given crayons and a Spider-Man coloring book to keep him busy. The issue with all this is that he falls in love with a woman halfway, which means that things are going to getreally awkward at dinner parties after a few years. Of course, the film acknowledges all this, but that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. It’s like the old vampire conundrum, but more on that later. Basically what you’re going to end up with is a 45-year-old woman going out for drinks and dancing with a guy who looks 18. I’ve got nothing against cougars, but it’s a bit ridiculous when your 50th wedding anniversary is shared with a toddler suffering from Alzheimer’s. (Also, congratulations to Brad Pitt for his second appearance on this distinguished list. Maybe see a psychologist sometime soon?)
3. Birth: Anna and Sean- We’ve all heard the double standard about the older woman hooking up with the underage guy and it being somehow acceptable. As awesome as it might sound to high school boys everywhere, I have a problem with it on principal alone. That means when Nicole Kidman starts talking about running away with Cameron Bright, it’s creepy. When they take a bath together, that’s pretty much unacceptable. I’m not what we would call a prude, and maybe if he were 17 it would be more O.K. without all the legalities. And trust me: I’d feel the same way if the roles were reversed. The argument here is that Bright is Kidman’s reincarnated husband, or maybe he isn’t. I don’t know. All I remember is the bathtub scene and squinting really hard so that the image would blur.

You don’t understand, he’s very mature for a 12-year-old.

2. Womb: Rebecca and Thomas- Doctor Who fans should be pretty excited to see Matt Smith in a feature film. The problem is this movie is batshit insane. So, this woman finds her true love in her childhood sweetheart and after being separated for years, the two finally are reunited to once more do the whole love thing. Unfortunately, he dies. Enter science! She decides to clone him, which is all fine and dandy, except she has to grow the clone in her womb and give birth to him. That’s right; she gives birth to her husband. After that, she has to raise him into adulthood so that she can marry him again or whatever. This is when things get really confusing and disturbing. I mean, when I heard about this movie, I thought someone was messing with me, but no such luck. Someone sat down and put a lot of thought into something like this. I… I just don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m done with this. Well, almost done…
1. Twilight: EVERYTHING!- We’ve had some pretty disturbing relationships so far in this list, but Twilight takes the cake. Exhibit A: an emotionally abusive vampire who is more than 100 years old but is as mature as a preteen, dating a human who is going to age and die while he still looks like a high school senior. Once more we come across the dinner party issue here. Exhibit B: Jacob and Renesmee… What the hell, people? She’s a newborn baby and he’s all over her. It’s like something straight out of To Catch a Predator. Not only that, but he keeps insisting, “It’s not like that.” Come on, there’s something very wrong with all the relationships in this series, and I’m terrified to see what the long-term effects are going to be on the psychology of the young women who read these books and saw these movies. After all, those screaming preteen girls are going to be adult women someday, and that’s when things are going to get really weird.